25 FEBRUARY 2008: 2007 Year in Review Begins!

First, thanks for your patience in my lateness with this annual project. Work continues, and my weekly trips to my mom's to keep her fed and help out where I can also continue, leaving not much time left for goofball stuff like the website. Again, I appreciate the two or three of you out there being patient with me as I post when I am able. That said, let's move on to the 2007 ICRVN YEAR IN REVIEW!

JANUARY started off with former president Gerald Ford being laid to rest. Chevy Chase was not invited. Nancy Pelosi was officially named the Speaker of the House, the first female to be Speaker. She promptly shut up. Two Catholic Church officials resigned after it was revealed that they were involved in Communist Secret Police groups during the Cold War. No word yet on how being a member of the Hitler Youth advances one's career in the Church. The iPhone was announced, and lines started forming almost immediately for the June launch. The iPhone is to be just like a normal Mac: innovative, under-adopted, and overpriced. David Beckham signed with the MLS franchise Los Angeles Galaxy for $1 Million per week, prompting Soccer fans worldwide to exclaim "wait... America has Soccer?!" Barzan Al-Tikriti was accidentally beheaded during his execution in Iraq. President Bush was quick to point out that it must be noted that during his execution, he was not tortured. The Senate Foreign Relations Committee voted 12-9 in favor of shaking their finger at Bush and warning him to "stop this war right now. We mean it this time. No! Really! We really mean it! Stop it! Hey! Come back here when we're talking to you!" Venezuelan president Hugo Chavez was given the broad power to enact laws at his discretion. Bush counters with a stern "Dangit!"

FEBRUARY got off to a rocky start with a National Intelligence determination that Iraqi Leadership is too weak to hold together the country. However, they found that the same can be said of American Leadership. The Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change confirmed the existence of Global Warming. Bush denounced the report, arguing that Global Warming is a myth. He did, however, admit that "Planetary Non-Cooling" does seem to be happening. Bush announced his budget, which would eliminate the deficit by 2012 by beefing up the military, and eliminating the elderly, children, and New Orleans. NASA's tests regarding space incontinency failed when Lisa Nowak barely made it from Houston to Orlando with only one diaper. North Korea agreed to dismantle its nuclear facilities in exchange for millions of aid in oil and food. Altogether now: "Duh." The "dazzling success" of Iraq's ten-day long security offensive was celebrated by a suicide bomber in Baghdad, killing over 60.

MARCH is what one Army officer was told to do when the head of Walter Reed Hospital was removed when it was discovered that conditions and red tape tie-ups at Reed were too much like civilian hospitals. Alberto Gonzales testified regarding... Sorry - I can't recall... The House of Commons voted in favor of elections to determine seats in the House of Lords instead of family peerage. Over 730 Lords reacted by simultaneously soiling themselves. Iraq once again failed to meet another series of deadlines set by the US, prompting Bush to say "Hrmm? What's going on?" A timetable was approved in the Senate for removing troops from Iraq. Clearly, that's worked well.

APRIL was clearly a happy month. President Bush pledged to veto two seperate pieces of legislation that would allow stem cell research and set a troop withdrawal timetable, confirming his status as a "pro-life president." After five bombs resulted in over 200 deaths, and a massive protest in Baghdad, Bush responded by declaring that it is clear to him that the Iraqis "like us. They really like us." Inspectors declare that rebuilding efforts in Iraq are nearing "Lower 9th success levels."

The review will continue shortly.

01 FEBRUARY 2008: What I'm...